Total Wine and More

“You’re DRUNK!” she screamed.

“You’re HIGH!” I yelled back.

How many glasses of Sauvignon blanc is too many?

How many bottles is too many?

Most fans of Total Wine & More think they are getting the best deals while really they are getting robbed (as some may see it) and are losing lots of money and opportunities. This is because they are unaware of the secret tricks and tips that allow wine lovers to get the most out of the wine experience.

It doesn’t matter if your preference is for Merlot. It doesn’t matter if you’d rather drink a fine, light chardonnay. It makes no difference if you go for the red, or the white. It is irrelevant whether you were born in the sweet California valley of Napa’s rolling vineyards or you hail from the quaint orchards of Italy’s juicing plantations.

None of those variables and histories matter. Not when it comes to the social experience of wine tasting and getting buzzed with friends and meeting new people.

For most of my life I was a wine virgin. I had never had a sip of wine. For that matter, I had never drunk champagne, beer, lager, or any alcohol for that matter. I would often joke with family members who were drinkers. I’d say that one of my favorite drinks was grape juice. Pure, unadulterated grape juice. Actually, I might even like white grape juice even better. I would say, “If wine tastes like grape juice, then I might actually enjoy drinking wine.” Indeed, wine would likely be my favorite out of all alcoholic beverages. Alas, they assured me that wine does not taste like grape juice at all.

It does make me wonder how people decide which wine to drink for their very first time. I mean, how would you go about deciding that? For most first-timers, I’m sure it’s decided by what their friend has in the house. But if you were at a bar or restaurant the first time, where you could choose from 40 different kinds, how in the world would you narrow it down to one? Would you try more than one wine as well in that first sitting?

Do you remember your first sip of wine? Do you recall your first ever full glass of wine? What did it taste like? How would you describe the flavor and taste? What stood out to you the most about the flavor? Was it the smell? Was it the aftertaste?

And how long did it take before you became accustomed to wine? Do all the different varietals still taste distinct to you? Or have the flavors mostly melded into one, where it doesn’t really matter which varieties you drink?

These are some of the kinds of serious questions we’ll be asking, and the important matters we’ll discuss here. Not only will we cover the full gamut of topics to give you a total wine experience, we’ll do more than that.

Oh, and if you didn’t recognize the barbs being slung back and forth in the scenario at the start of this post, I’ll tell you where it’s from. It’s from my favorite television show. That was Lucille Bluth screaming back at one of her children who was yelling at her for being drunk. She was notorious for her alcohol consumption, often having dry martinis for breakfast. “And a piece of toast.”

So drink all the Pinot gris you want, as long as you don’t turn into a complete wino like her. Cheers.